nekochan (katzchen) wrote,

  • Mood:

I go from nothing, to too much.

Sorry for cluttering the flist, but my mind just will not shut off. I don't know why. Things just keep snowballing in my mind and I don't know wtf is going on. I start thinking about the money problems, and it just keeps going and going to every little detail of my life that I hate. I need a new job. I hate my car. I hate myself, sometimes. The only constant in my life that I love beyond anything else is Jon, which is the way it should be, I suppose. But I just keep dredging up all the old hurts and all the bad things I've ever had happen in my life, and I'm having my own little pathetic pity party over here.

All because of my -car-. Well, that's the trigger, anyway. I think a lot of things have just been welling up for so long that it just hit a breaking point. I didn't even think things were so bad. I've been -happy-. Granted, a lot of that has been because of Jon.

And now, in my head, I just suddenly get this image of stressing Jon the fuck out because he's the nucleus of my happy. Great.

I think I'm going to go try to force myself into unconsciousness. Wish me luck. It'll benefit you, too - you won't see any more of these stereotypically LJ-esque posts if I'm unconscious.
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