nekochan (katzchen) wrote,
nekochan
katzchen

  • Mood:

I go from nothing, to too much.

Sorry for cluttering the flist, but my mind just will not shut off. I don't know why. Things just keep snowballing in my mind and I don't know wtf is going on. I start thinking about the money problems, and it just keeps going and going to every little detail of my life that I hate. I need a new job. I hate my car. I hate myself, sometimes. The only constant in my life that I love beyond anything else is Jon, which is the way it should be, I suppose. But I just keep dredging up all the old hurts and all the bad things I've ever had happen in my life, and I'm having my own little pathetic pity party over here.

All because of my -car-. Well, that's the trigger, anyway. I think a lot of things have just been welling up for so long that it just hit a breaking point. I didn't even think things were so bad. I've been -happy-. Granted, a lot of that has been because of Jon.

And now, in my head, I just suddenly get this image of stressing Jon the fuck out because he's the nucleus of my happy. Great.

I think I'm going to go try to force myself into unconsciousness. Wish me luck. It'll benefit you, too - you won't see any more of these stereotypically LJ-esque posts if I'm unconscious.
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  • 5 comments
**hugs**

Are there any evil hormones in your system that might be aiding and abetting the stress-depress? Because I get that nearly every time I get PMS. It sucks. Only thing that helps at all is knowing that it will be better in 1-2 weeks. O:(
I hear ya...I've been in this weird sort of self-imposed funk related to discontentment with my life, job, finances, etc, too, and it's just getting worse. I want to get out of it because it's not healthy but I'm having a hard time because I really don't know what to do. Anyways, I am here for you whenever you want to talk, vent, whatever. I love youuuuu <3 *hugs & smoochies*
Sunshine. When was the last time, given your work schedule, that you just plain ol' SAT IN THE SUN? It really can chemically help, too. Not to mention it forces a slow-down and just "be" moment. Take a glass of something with you and schedule yourself a 30 min sunshine vacation. <3
There's no such thing as cluttering the flist if you need to write things down in order to vent a little.

I hope things get better for you soon. And it's kinda normal for the man you love to be the nucleus of your happy, so don't assume he'll stress the fuck out. :)
Sometimes it helps to just vent, especially with all the shit going on it's hard to keep it together.

I hope you get the car thing worked out.